Author Jacinta Nandi on motherhood: What is a "Cocaine Mom", Jacinta Nandi?

BRIGITTE: There's a lot of cocaine use in your novel – even at children's birthday parties. Is that exaggerated or reality?

The "Cocaine Moms" are the Berlin equivalent of the "Wine Moms": women who drink wine to ease their daily stress. Only cocaine is more effective. Who wants a hangover? I recently spoke to a mother who steals her child's Ritalin when she has to clean the apartment. When the prescription ran out, she switched to speed. She said: "It makes cleaning even better." (laughs)

Crazy. But somehow also understandable. Everyone's talking about work-life balance – and at the same time, politicians are demanding that mothers work even more.

Exactly. I bet you: Bärbel Bas doesn't have a single single parent on her team! Oh, tomorrow is a bridge day, so I have to bring my child to the office —she's probably never heard of that. If Bärbel Bas would take my child off my hands for two hours once a week, buy him an ice cream, and bring it to me later, I'd gladly work longer! I'd really like to be more productive for the German economy. But for that, we single parents would have to clone ourselves.

What do you want from the new government?

Boomers must finally understand that we no longer live in 1967, when you could buy a house for €250,000 and everyone worked from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Today, that's called part-time work. Including lunch, that's just seven hours.

Still, my child is always last in daycare. And I feel guilty.

But how else are we supposed to work? I often feel so guilty—that I'm not working enough, not working hard enough, that I should be writing more... But many schools end by 1 p.m.! Then I see parents and children with school bags everywhere outside—and I feel bad. I can't do this without a time machine. If we're going to be more productive, politicians need to help us a lot more with children , because they can't raise themselves alone.

What exactly needs to change?

Longer daycare hours, all-day schools, affordable housing, serious relief for single parents. I had a child in 2004 and 2017 – and it's worse today than it used to be. In 2004, it was perfectly normal to leave children in daycare until 6 p.m. Today, you're a terrible mother. German society has truly managed to convince me that I'm terrible at both – as a mother and at my job. Because I don't work enough and don't pick up my child early enough. And then, ideally, the child is supposed to be involved in an activity five evenings a week.

Speaking of activities: What exactly is a "Single Mom Supper Club"?

Jacinta Nandi: It's a bit like prostitution, only with good food. (laughs) No, seriously: These are dinner parties for single parents where everyone brings their children, puts them to bed, and then eats and drinks together. For many, this is the only way to get out at all. And, above all, to help each other.

Do we need new forms of community?

Totally. It should become more normal to help each other. Policymakers could encourage this—through new housing options, networks, and financial incentives. Instead, we have to justify picking up our children "too late." I think: The daycare center is open until 6 p.m.—so my child can stay there until 6 p.m., too.

Is it important to you what others think of you as a mother?

Unfortunately, yes. I had phases when my son asked, "Mom, where are we sleeping tonight?" – because I often took him somewhere. I felt like a bad mother. But what else could I do? I rely on solidarity. My circle of friends helps me sometimes, but of course, that only works if you have similar realities. Many single moms criticize couples with children for not babysitting more often. But I understand that; most of them have their 7 p.m.-bedtime routines, and a pajama party doesn't fit in with that. My dream would be a sweet German grandma who lives nearby.

Do you believe that women and men are happier when they don't live together? Why?

Maybe we should even live a child- and man-free life. (laughs) I'm actually totally romantic—I love teen romance movies! But realistically, it works better when men don't live in the same household. Then most people show their better side.

You get a lot of hate online. How do you deal with it?

I put heart emojis underneath. (laughs) Many messages are sexist, insulting, threatening. Nazis hate me. But what really hurts me is when someone writes, "And on top of that, you're fat." I've been socialized to be so anti-fat that that's exactly what hurts me the most. But I won't let it stop me. It's too late—the people who hate me will hate me anyway.

And what gives you strength?

The thought that I'm writing despite everything. But I can only do that when my children are with their fathers. I'm not like those real writers—Kafka or Goethe, who did nothing else all day. And yet, my seventh book is already being published! Then I think, in turn: These childless men could actually achieve so much more—they're not that hardworking.

Brigitte